S A T I R E
One of the mainstays of America’s legislative branch was seen roaming the corridors of the U.S. Capitol building, as the spirit of Mitch McConnell returned to the Senate [in what has been described as an act of Disney].
The Kentucky senator had been out of the public eye for several months but made his long-awaited return to work this week, as his ethereal presence appeared on the Senate floor to give an inspirational speech to his colleagues [or at least those with the psychic gifts to perceive his aura] ahead of the November midterm elections.
“Hello there,” McConnell’s spectral form said as it materialized in front of the podium. “I have returned to you for this important time. We have a lot of work ahead of us, and I’m proud to be back where I belong. Though I have become one with the Force, that won’t stop me from fulfilling my duties and my responsibility to represent the hardworking people of Kentucky. Mitch McConnell will be with you… always.”
McConnell’s colleagues said it was a relief to [sense his presence] to guide them during this dark time [and that when it was really dark it was even easier to see him. The former Senate leader is said to be laser-focused on the security of the upcoming midterm elections.
“All votes should be counted,” McConnell said, “including those of people who have been falsely accused of being dead.]
